A very important and private letter...

I put this here because I A)feel the need to vent in a realatively annonomous format and B)I'd sincerely appreciate any and all feed back.

This is a letter to My ex-husband Thad regarding visitation with my child. He's five and the light of my life. Last night is my agreed upon night to have my son and because I didn't call the day before my ex decided I didn't get to see him. Not only that I wasn't permitted to see him tonight instead and am expected to just wait until this weekend.
That did NOT make me happy.
I've been a push over for the last three plus years because I was on some level terrified that he would take my son away from me for good. I finally got over that.
so I wrote this.

PLEASE if you read this make a comment, send me or email something. I plan on printing this and hand delivering it to his place of work today and hope I make it out of the building before his head explodes.

wish me luck,
Cori


Dear Thaddues,
I am writing you a letter in hopes of more effectively communicating with you concerning visitation with porter. I am well aware that those things that are best for Porter are concerns forefront in both our minds. We as his Mother and Father both strongly desire his happiness and at least as importantly his over all health and well being. In point of fact, your over arcing care in regards to his best interests is the quality I most appreciate about you.
However, of late, I feel your convenience has taken precedence to my court appointed time with my child. This does not sit well with me. Generally you have been willing to work with me and I have appreciated it. In the last five weeks, however, with my pregnancy and consequent ill health I feel as if my being sick and not as reliable as I had thus far been, has served as an excuse to deny me time with Porter. A reason to not have to suffer the inconvenience of dealing with me.
Make no mistake—I do not believe that you spend your days plotting against me, or your time thinking bad things about me. Why would you? You have a very full and busy life that has nothing to do with me. Most of the time, I believe you don't think much about me at all.
There in lies the problem. I am Porter's mother. I have not always been the very best Parent, a fact we both are aware of and openly acknowledge. Today however, this week, this month, this season I am not only the very best parent I am capable of being but an entirely different woman than the one you divorced.
More than four years have passed, we've both moved on and had many myriad experiences, not the least of which is that we've both had time and life lessons that have led us to greater growth and maturity.
Do not make the mistake of assuming I am who and what I was. That can be a dangerous assumption and one that is patently unfair not only to me but to our most cherished child.
I have told you before that I am very reluctant to bring anyone else in to try and resolve our conflicts. But I am rapidly approaching the point where I feel that you are leaving me no option but to seek legal recompense; to put in binding terms just exactly what my visitation privileges are.
Believe me that is not a course you want to force me upon. I have at my disposal not only a long experienced, high paid lawyer, but the man who considers himself to be Porter's grandfather who is also a judge. Do not try and push me any further out of my child's life Thaddues. For the first time since Porter's conception I have the logistic wherewithal and emotional strength and maturity to push back.
I love Porter and despite my periodic wishes to the contrary I still care very much about you and your family. You are a good man and an excellent parent to our child. You also seem to me to be in some ways a man of the path of least resistance. I strongly object to your convenience superceeding my right to time with Porter. I will willingly and happily do whatever it is that is required facilitate not only more time with Porter but at least as importantly more consistent time with my only child.
I am not satisfied with a 'On a case by case basis' visitation schedules with my son. I say that because sadly-- experience has shown me that more often than not, the odds have been, and unless something is done now, will continue to be,
in your favor.
To that end I am requesting that we revisit the parenting plan we made four years ago. I would much prefer to do it under the less confrontational, more friendly terms we've enjoyed in the past, but I do insist that this new plan not only be committed to paper, but formalized and recognized by the proper authorities.
Please consider all that I have said with care, and please do NOT call me.
I refuse to participate in another screaming session on ethier of our parts. Yelling had no place in two reasonable adults attempting to work out a amicable solution to a conflict, most especially when its in regard to the welfare of our most treasured child. That s why I ask that you judiciously consider all that I have said and write me out a response. A mailed or hand delivered letter or email would suffice. Please do think on these things well before you respond. Porter deserves us both being as thoughtful and considerate as possible on this matter.
Here's hoping to a peaceful resolution for all our sakes.
Debbie